Develoment FAQ: 12-18 months

1.

I am beginning to dread getting my son ready for bed as he just refuses to have his teeth brushed. He will open his mouth for me and then clamps tightly shut onto the brush and wont let me do a thing. He thinks it is hilarious and shakes his head from side to side with a big grin on his face. When he first began to do this I did laugh with him but now I am not sure how to get him to stop this each and every evening. I am worried his teeth will not be cleaned properly so have to resort to all sorts of antics to get him to open up again. When he does I can only do a quick brush round as he wriggles and squeals so and I am worried I will hurt his mouth with the brush. What can I do to stop this evening pantomime?
Team Response

My daughter Harriet is 13-months-old and sometimes gets really scared of other people - not only strangers, but sometimes friends of mine whom she has met several times before. She looks at them fearfully and bursts into tears. Today we went to a singing group for the fourth time. The first two times were OK but the next two occasions we had to leave after ten minutes because she just wouldn't stop crying and it was rather embarrassing. Once a week she stays for a couple of hours with a friend who has a son the same age. She has been going there for two months and she still becomes hysterical when I leave, and cries for about 15 minutes before taking a dummy and remaining rather solemn until I return, when she has another cry. However, at home she is happy and active and doesn't cry when I leave the room etc. I have been at home with her since she was born, but we have always been out and about a lot and go to several baby and toddler groups, where she is happy to play with the other babies if she can see me. However, if I go to the toilet she does start crying. All the other children her age seem to be so laidback and happy to be left at crèches or with babysitters. I read recently that fear of strangers is linked to insecurity and lack of bonding in the first six months. This made me feel very despondent and guilty as unfortunately Harriet was taken away from me straight after birth and taken to another hospital (where there was no room for me) for two days because of complications. Do you think this brief initial separation has played a part in causing this strong anxiety? Other than this, Harriet was a very easy baby and she has only ever experienced a secure, loving atmosphere. Is her anxiety normal, or can something like a birth-experience cause this sort of behaviour?
Dr Elizabeth Collins' Response

I have a very boisterous 15-month-old girl and she is quite strong willed! How do you approach discipline at this age? For instance when we go to toddlers' group she just runs in and pulls everything off the shelves; each time I ask her to stop she just runs to something else. She doesn't seem to be able to concentrate on anything for any period of time.
Team Response

My daughter of 15mths has little speech but one word she uses constantly is “no”. She will say this when either asked to do something, or told to stop doing something. At first it seemed quite amusing but now I feel as if every day is battle of wills from the moment she gets up. How can I get her to have a more positive response to things? Or is this just a phase?
Team Response

My son of 14 months is becoming very strong-willed and determined to get his own way. When he tries to do something, such as empty the fridge, and is stopped he throws himself backwards onto the ground screaming with rage. If I catch him about to do something such as fiddle with the video controls and say his name followed with “No” he will smile at me very cheekily. At nursery they have commented that he does not listen to the word “No”. Even if they remove him from what he was trying to do he will go right back and try all over again.

Am I expecting too much from him to really understand the word “No”? Is his natural curiosity just so strong he cannot resist doing things he has been told not to do? I am not sure if my son does not understand or if he does and is choosing to ignore us, which would mean he is becoming strong-willed and headstrong.
Team Response

My husband works abroad and is away from home for a week / 2 weeks at a time. When he goes, we explain that he is working but will be back. We talk to my 14mth old daughter about her "daddy" daily in a very relaxed way taking care not to make a big deal about his absence and also speak on the phone regularly. We try and make this very matter of fact and not make a big deal about his going. For the first couple of days after he leaves, my daughter is very "clingy" with me - but I try to be gently reassuring and we continue in our routines and soon she settles down. However, on my husbands return home, our normally settled little girl becomes very overwrought. For the first few days she clings to her daddy and gets extremely upset when he leaves the room / goes out to the office etc. We try very hard to be relaxed about this, we are matter of fact about when he has to go out and that he will return and does. We have also noticed that when my husband comes home my daughter "performs" showing him all her toys, her books, dancing, photos etc - it appears to be almost a "desperate" attempt to get him to stay. We have tried giving him something of my daughter’s ( a toy etc) to take with him explaining that he will bring it back soon - so she feels he will have to return.

As my husband has to work away we do need to get to a situation where my daughter can deal with this without becoming extremely upset and understands that he will come back when he goes away. Any advice would be very welcome as it is so upsetting to see her get so distraught.
Team Response

My son is consistently aggressive with other children at nursery and at home. He is a lively and boisterous boy, often starts off playing well but then starts to be aggressive, seeking others to pull over by the scruff of the neck or pull hair, or bite. We distract him but he goes straight back to it. We have just started (when at home) removing him from the room and putting him into his cot for a minute but I don't know if this is beneficial or potentially damaging.
Team Response

I wondered if you could give me some tips on how to combat my constant struggle to dress or change my 12-month-old. I've never seen anything like it! Every time I change his nappy he struggles and screams and will not keep still, which can get very messy when I'm trying to change a dirty one. I've tried saying "No" very sternly but he doesn't take any notice at all. Have you come across this before? It basically happens whenever I try to do something my son doesn't want to do: i.e. dress him, put him in car seat/buggy. He's even started doing it now when I put him in his high chair to eat. He goes berserk! Is this just a phase that will pass or is there a way of teaching him he cannot behave like this?
Team Response

At almost 17 months, my son has taken to biting my nanny and I when he doesn’t get his own way. He has been on CLB routines since birth. He sleeps well, loves being in his cot and on the whole is a happy toddler. But when he doesn’t want to be changed (especially after his bath) or is told "No", he bites. I have told him sternly that we don’t bite, but this behaviour has continued for a month. Tonight I lost my patience and yelled at him, a response that I feel guilty about, but how can I deal with the problem without yelling?
Team Response

My 14-month-old son constantly bangs everything together. I try to keep items, such as spoons, out of reach, but he will use anything he finds. He will hammer on tables, doors and even the TV screen. I have tried buying him a toy drum, but he is not interested; I don’t think it makes enough noise. I am at my wits end. How can I stop this behaviour?
Team Response

I have a 17 month old little girl, who attends a very good nursery 3 days a week. She is extremely happy there and likes the interaction she has with the other children. However, over the last 3 months she has started to bite the other children at random. Sometimes in retaliation, but most of the time she bites them for no reason. I am beginning to worry, as this is now happening once or twice a day when she attends, and some of the other parents aren't happy. The nursery is dealing with her by telling her it's wrong, giving her time out and explaining that she mustn’t do it again. Unfortunately this is not working, and I can't deal with the issue at home as she doesn't display this behaviour when with us or with other children in our family. I have purchased a book to read to her (“Teeth are not for biting”) and talk to her about it when I collect her from nursery, but she is still biting. Other friends have said that they bite their children back, but I haven't taken this action as most of the advice you read tells you not to do this - and I tend to agree, that you should not mirror their behaviour. Please suggest what I should do. People have been trying to give me explanations of why she is biting such as : “It is just a “phase”, and she will grow out of it”; she is attention seeking; or she is tired. (she is a very active little girl !!) But it's not great when other parents are complaining about your child, and you are lost for an answer.
Team Response

Over the past few weeks my 15-month-old daughter has had several tantrums while we are out shopping. I find it so embarrassing to have her kicking and screaming and feel that everyone is looking at me. I have tried to calm her down, but this makes things worse, and it is often not clear what has set her off in the first place. What is the best way to deal with this behaviour?
Team Response

Can the "terrible twos" begin early? My 16-month-old son was very easy as a baby, but he seems to have changed overnight. There are times when I have to say "no" to him, as he wants to get into everything or climb on things that will fall over. He reacts by throwing a tantrum and seems completely out of control. What is the best way to deal with this behaviour? I feel as though I have to watch him constantly, whereas a few months ago he was content to sit and play on his own with his toys.
Team Response

I am aware of how important it is to read books to my son Sam, who is 16mths. The problem is that, after the first page or two, he shows no interest, wriggles off my lap and starts to play with something else. We have plenty of board books around, but I rarely see him pick one up. I would love books to be part of our day, but am I expecting too much too soon?
Team Response

We wish our son to grow up to be bilingual. He is now 15 months and beginning to speak. My husband is Italian but also speaks excellent English. From Louis’ birth, we have each tried to speak our own language to him, but as my husband is away from home all day, often not returning until late, Louis hears far more English than Italian. Will this affect his learning of two languages? We visit Italy once or twice a year and my aim is for Louis to be able to communicate easily with his grandparents, who speak no English.
Team Response

Is it safe to let my 14-month-old have pencils to draw with? My husband gave her one and now she screams every time she sees either of us using a pen. She still puts lots of things in her mouth, so what would be the best thing to give her?
Team Response

My 1 year old son is very clingy to me and we are having some difficulties with nursery visits which are extremely distressing for all. I have always fed my son and put him to sleep so we anticipated some issues. I have allowed 6 weeks since starting visits at nursery to going back to work, but the initial few visits have been worse than I would ever have imagined and I would really appreciate some guidance on how we could maybe improve the situation.

My son's visits (4 so far) have included meal times but not sleep times as yet. At meal times he has not eaten and is usually sobbing off and on during his time at nursery (max 1.5 hours a visit). Today he was so upset he was actually sick when offered tea. I have stayed and played for a while and my elder daughter has been at the nursery since 6 months, so we have confidence in the staff and know them well; it is the same staff as looked after my daughter. I have really worried that since these visits he has not settled to sleep as well at home although he seems happy and contented at other times.

At home he always wants me when he is tired and hungry and is usually a very happy and sociable baby.

Can you please advise how we can settle him - he will eventually go to nursery 3 days a week.

My eats 3 good meals in the day and naps at 9.45-10.15am and 1-3pm. He settles by 7.30pm.
Team Response

My daughter, Jemima, began to walk four weeks ago when she was thirteen months old. She has been wearing soft, leather slipper shoes, but these are not very robust, and I worry that she will hurt her feet when we are outside. I took her to the shoe shop, and the assistant told me that ideally a child should be walking for six weeks before fitting proper shoes. Is this right, and are there any other tips for taking care of my child’s feet that you could recommend?
Team Response

My son Harry has just started walking at thirteen months. Over the weekend, while my mother-in-law was staying, and watching Harry, she commented that he had “flat feet”. I have checked on the Internet, but cannot find any advice on the subject. Harry has had the appropriate medical checks during his first year, and the doctor didn’t seem to find anything wrong with him. Is this something I should be worrying about?
Team Response

2.

In August my husband and I will be taking Sophia, who will be 18mths, away with her half brothers and sister. They range in age from 7 to 11 years and don’t live with us full time. We plan to stay in a hotel near a theme park so the older children will be occupied. I am worrying about how we will be able to stay out all day with Sophia, who still takes a lunchtime nap in her cot. Can we expect the hotel to provide a cot and other equipment? Should I start to get her used to being somewhere different for her nap, like in her stroller? Does being away from home usually bother toddlers of this age? We have a nine-hour flight to get to our destination, so should I allow time for her to get over any jet lag?
Team Response

Should I allow my 17-month-old to watch TV or videos every day and for how long should he be watching? He is beginning to show signs of wanting to watch TV when he can’t find anything else to do. Also, how do I monitor what is suitable for him?
Team Response