Develoment FAQ: 18-24 months

My daughter of just 20 months has developed a fear of the vacuum cleaner. I am not sure what started this but now she will scream when the cleaner is turned on.  How do I get her to realise that there is nothing to be afraid of?  I have to get the house cleaned so should I just keep vacuuming in front of her?  Is this sort of behaviour normal?

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My daughter of 23 months is very headstrong and determined to do things her way.  Every morning she wants to get dressed all by herself, which I know should be encouraged, but she is not yet able to cope without some help. This usually ends in her getting very frustrated and having a tantrum as I finish getting her ready for the day.  How can I make getting dressed easier for her so she is able to manage it on her own?
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My daughter, who is 23 months old, needs to go into hospital overnight for a small operation. I am able to stay with her all the time, but I was wondering how I might prepare her for this experience.
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I have a problem that I want to solve before we go off to Spain in July. Last summer when it was hot and sunny I managed to apply sunscreen to my little boy and also found a hat that stayed on. He was, however, only 9/10 months at the time and very easygoing. This year it is a different story as he is 20 months with a mind of his own.
Last week we were preparing to go to the park, but he refused to wear his sunhat. As it was warm, I started to apply sunscreen to his arms and legs, but he wriggled away and I doubt I got much on. I have tried to explain to Greg why he needs these things, but he won’t listen. Here, the sun is not yet at its full strength, but I am worrying about Spain. It won't be much of a holiday if we have a daily battle before heading to the beach or pool.
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Annabel is 20 months and loves just wondering around the house chattering to herself while she plays, but I have noticed that she already gets very annoyed if her toys get stuck on something and they don't do what she wants them to. I realise that this is normal toddler frustration, but even so I would like to be able to help her to feel anger/rage/ annoyance etc is normal and then deal with it by finding a solution. I don't want her to grow up suppressing her feelings or not knowing how to deal with them. Can you give me any suggestions?

Dr Elizabeth Collins' Response

Over the past few weeks it has become a daily battle to get my 20-month-old daughter out of the bath. We have resorted to just lifting her out and getting her dried and dressed as quickly as we can, over the screams and kicking. We have tried to reason with her, telling her that story time is coming next, but nothing seems to work. Have you any ideas on how to make this time of day more pleasurable?

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My 21 month old son has become increasingly attached to his Winnie Pooh comforter. He continuously sucks the hands of the Winnie - even playing with it hanging out of his mouth. It was restricted to bed times only but the last few weeks he demands it through the day. I have tried to resist but he can cry longer than I can be strong. As he wants to suck it through meals it can be very stressful withholding it and still getting him to have enough food.
I can not pinpoint any emotional upset to link this increased need too to have his comforter so much.
Can you help? Even though I have several of these Winnies they get very smelly and I am a little embarrassed when we go out as he has a soggy flat Winnie pooh hanging out of his mouth.
It is also making his speech very difficult to understand and he has been doing really well increasing his vocabulary. This is discouraging and frustrating us both.
Please can you help?
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Despite eating a good lunch and having a solid nap afterwards I find my 22-month-old son's behaviour every afternoon very wearing.

Didier also has a twin brother and a sister who is 3.5 years old, so life is quite busy for me. Didier is a very active, and entertaining little boy. He is also very sensitive, sweet and caring to his brother and sister. He is quite hilarious, wearing silly hats, jumping around and putting on funny voices to make everyone laugh. The flip-side to his character is that he is very demanding, and voices his discontent (about anything in particular) in an extremely loud way.

Every day he eats a good lunch (12:30-1pm) as he likes his food on the whole. A typical lunch would be 4tbsp chicken casserole or fish pie, 1 small potato and 1-2 tbsp green vegetables. He then settles down (with a bit of fuss) for his nap. I wake him after 1.5 hrs as he was beginning to be difficult to settle in the evenings. I always let him wake up naturally but as soon as he is awake he is cranky and demanding snacks. He loves bread sticks and rice cakes and would happily eat them all afternoon if I let him. He spends most of the afternoon shouting “STICK!”, “RICE!” over and over again. I try to divert his attention and this sometimes works for a while, but then he is screaming, clinging and whining for more “sticks” and “rice” until teatime. He normally eats a good amount at tea so his snacking doesn’t seem to be spoiling his appetite. I try to limit his snacks, and even ignore him, but I am not sure what method to use. I am not certain whether he is: either really hungry and therefore may need something a little more substantial as snack, or does he have a behavioural problem? Dealing with two other small children as well, means he cannot have my attention all the time.
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I have just spent the most embarrassing morning trying to get Harry's hair cut. At 20 months, I felt he needed to have his hair cut in a "big boy" style, but Harry had different ideas. He refused to co-operate, wouldn’t sit in the chair and ended up having a tantrum on the floor of the shop. I abandoned the idea, apologised and crept out. How will I ever get him to co-operate enough to try again?
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My 19 mth daughter needs a lot of attention all day
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My daughter of 1 year 10mths was happy to be trained but still needs reminding and does not like pooing on the potty. I started potty training her 6 weeks ago, I followed Gina's “Potty Training in a week” and it all went really well. It is still going very well really and she has now progressed to the big toilet and likes doing wees in there like a big girl; she wears nappies for her lunch time nap and night time sleep only, and big girls knickers the rest of the time. I need advice on how to progress in 2 areas really:

1) Daily accidents (leaks): She still has regular accidents (one a day in average), and very recently she has had a whole day of accidents at nursery, then the next day not one. They rarely are full-blown accidents in the sense that she doesn't just let go and has a big full wee all dressed up, but she will leak and not realise she is leaking. When I notice a little wet patch I usually ask her if she needs the toilet, but she nearly always says no, I then tell her "I think you do need a wee-wee darling, look you are getting a little bit wet", and she will nearly always say " no mummy, not wet mummy" until I show her and actually say "come on, you need to have a wee-wee" , after the wee, she sometimes wants to pull her wet knickers back on saying “not wet mummy”, until I show her and make her feel they are wet, and we change, I say "next time, try and go to the toilet just before you need to wee-wee". Is this normal? Until what age will she keep having frequent accidents? Is there anything I should do to help her to recognize the feeling that she needs a wee before she leaks a bit. Is there anything I can say to help her progress to no accidents? What is the best approach.

2) Poos: My daughter does not like pooing in the potty or toilet at all; if she can she will poo in the nappy at her nap/sleep time, but sometimes I will notice that she starts dancing from one leg to another, and put her hand in between her legs. This is always a sign that she needs a poo. If asked, she'll say no. It can sometimes last up to 30/45 min, with her dancing and looking uncomfortable, although the last one was only 10 minutes to be fair (so I suppose it is getting better). This means however that I usually end up in the bathroom with her bare bottom, and lots of nice talking and encouragement from me: "how it is great to have a poo, mummy would love you to do a poo for her, it would be a lovely present, it is ok to poo, mummy and daddy do it, etc", with her very distressed, crying, lots of "no no, no poo mummy" looking at the potty and wanting to, moving towards it and away etc, and eventually, at the last minutes when she can't hold it anymore, sitting or hovering just above the potty and doing it! At which point we both get very excited! Happy and lots of praise from me, pride from her! and it is a big step forward but usually the next 2 poos will be in the nappy (she has about one a day) and so by the 3rd day, if she is out of her nappy when in need of a poo, we seem to be back to square one. I just wonder how I can help her; am I going at it the right way and will she eventually “get it”, is there anything I can do or say to help the process?
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Having followed the potty training book I am currently on stage two. My son showed all the signs of being ready and participated in sitting on the potty etc. I am currently on day five; there seems to be no pattern to his peeing; sometimes it can be 20mins or even 3 hours! I am therefore not sure when to remind him to pee in the potty. I have tried not to nag him but if I don’t say anything he then just pees were he is standing and then cries! If I do ask if he wants a pee or poo he always says no. I am using a star chart and he seems to understand this (he asks for a star when he used the potty) and I gave him lots of hugs and cuddles etc. Should I continue to train or leave it for a few months?
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I have started potty training my daughter (21 months old) who showed all the signs of being ready for a long while, following Gina's method. The first 2 days we stayed at home and she did very well:

Day 1 & 2: 2 accidents (wee). She did wee and poos.
Day 3 & 4: 1 accident at Nursery (did not ask about if she had a poo)
Day 5: No accident at all at Nursery & all afternoon she actually asked when she needed to go (she had a poo in her nappy at nap time)
Day 6: at home with me, no accident (went to the swings for 1 hour in the morning / friend visited in the afternoon and she showed her skills) - all wees / no poos
Day 7: Home & about short trip, no accident either (poo at nap time in nappies - just as she woke up I think)
Day 8: Yesterday Sunday; we went to the park in the afternoon for a picnic with friends and she had 2 accident (poos) 1/2 hour from each other in the evening, 5ish pm.

Today she has been fine and did a wee in the potty but I did remind her every time (on getting up at 8ish, after breakfast 9am, before going out on an outing at 11 am, before lunch 12:30, before bed 1pm)
2 questions:

First I am finding it hard to wait for her to ask for the potty; if it has been 1 hour or so since the last one, I always end up asking her if she wants to go. Should I just leave it now and let her ask? I am worried this may lead to accidents and she would be upset. Does she need to have a couple of accidents maybe to understand that she must ask? What about in a situation like today when you are about to go out, or to sit down for lunch, and her last wee was at least 1 hour ago, isn't it best to always ask before an event like this to minimise accident when sitting strapped down at table / in the car journey?

Second, about the poo accident in the park, although she did asked to go, when I sat her on the potty, she suddenly decided otherwise and would say no, no and look frightened. I stopped and reassured her, and she said "No wee-wee" and then 10 minutes later did a poo in her knickers. I must admit it was in the middle of the park and we were with quite a few friends so I think she got conscious everyone was around. Do you think she may be scared to use the potty in the park or with lots of people around or is she scared of doing a poo in the potty? She has not been wearing any nappies apart from at sleep time. On day 1 of training she did 2 poos in her potty at home and was not at all distressed and we praised her and kissed her and clapped & she was very proud, then day 5 she had one in her nappy at nap time and day 7 was the day in the park.

Is all this normal? I am unsure of what my role should be from now on, do I need to just back right off now and let her take the lead... how do I make sure she keeps on progressing, will she just eventually do poos in the potty.
Team Response

In the last few weeks, our son has been showing all the signs you mention at the start of "Potty Training in one Week", so I have been following your preparation guidelines. He is 23 months. He has been very happy to sit on the potty when I go to the loo and read a book for 5 minutes. Recently, he has asked for his nappy to be taken off first thing in the morning and we have encouraged him to sit on the potty then, knowing that he usually does a poo at this time. He is happy to sit there until he is about to do a poo but then panics and jumps up and poos on the floor. He gets upset when he makes a mess on the floor but obviously does not like the idea of pooing in the potty and gets distressed when we suggest it. He has seen his poo on many occasions before so I don't feel that this is the problem. We never get cross with him about it but are unsure what to do now. The added problem is that I am expecting another baby at the end of September and I am concerned that the timing might be wrong. I read your advice on not starting potty training if a baby was due in the next couple of months but thought I had enough time as he was showing all the right signs to start. However, I am now wondering whether to stop and leave it until well after the baby is born. If so, should I put the potties away completely?
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We would love our 19-month-old daughter, Anna, to spend as much time outdoors as possible, but wonder what we should do to make the garden safe for her. Our back door from the kitchen links to a small patio, beyond which is grass, flower borders and a couple of apple trees. My husband enjoys DIY and would like to build a swing and sandbox at the far end of the garden, but I can’t think how much time she will spend there unless I am out with her too. How old does she need to be before I can let her out on her own?
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My 18-month-old daughter has not been walking for long, but likes to do so at every opportunity. We live in a city, so the streets are busy, and she dislikes holding a hand or the buggy. Our Nanny and I want to encourage her to walk, but daily trips to the shops take a long time and are becoming difficult, as she will wander off. I have looked at reins and wrist straps, but which would be the most suitable for her age? Wrist straps seem to be less restricting, but is she too young for them?
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