Development FAQ: 24+ months
Learning
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| 10. | I am expecting my second baby in six weeks’ time. My older son, Fred, is two and a half, and has been attending nursery since September. We have talked to him about the baby constantly, but he never shows much interest, and I am concerned about how he will react when the baby arrives. He has been the centre of our universe since he was born, and while in every respect he is a contented little chap, I do worry that he doesn’t cope well with change. For instance, he loves nursery now, but it did take three to four weeks for him to settle down. |
| 9. | My son of two and a half has suddenly become afraid of dogs. He will begin to panic and cling to me when one even walks past him. We only see dogs when we are out in the street or park. No one close to us owns a dog so I am not sure where the fear has come from. Are there ways to help him overcome this fear or will he just grow out of it? |
| 8. | I am increasingly worried about my daughter who is 2yrs 5mths. She is due to star nursery school in a couple of months but I am wondering if she is really ready. I am trying to get her to follow directions at home such getting ready to go outside or to get ready for a meal, but she just seems unable to do this without me standing over her. She rarely will co operate even though I go at lengths to explain why she needs to get her coat on, or wash her hands. It seems the more I try to explain to her the less she will co operate. I don't like telling her to do things, so always try to ask and give her an explanation as to why I want her to co-operate. If she is unable to follow my explanations at home which I have time to do how will she cope at nursery school where they may not have so much time to explain things to her but will expect her to follow directions. |
| 7. | Is two-and-a-half too young to learn the alphabet? My daughter is interested in the letters in her books. |
| 6. | My three-year old becomes very frustrated when using scissors. She usually ends up with torn paper. How can I help her? |
| 5. | We have recently moved to the country. I have tried in vain to look for an art group suitable for my two-year-old daughter. In her previous class, she loved painting and sticking, and I had none of the mess to cope with. I know I should allow some of these activities at home, but I don't know how to go about providing for them without spending a lot of money on materials. Apart from enjoying herself, is it important for her development that she has these kinds of activities now? |
| 4. | How much choice should I allow my daughter, Sarah, who is 2 years 7 months, to have? I have always believed that giving plenty of choice over what to wear or eat would help her to grow up confident and knowing her own mind. But this isn’t happening as she constantly changes her mind or refuses every option I put to her. Some days I feel as though we are locked in confrontation from morning until night. I have tried reasoning with her, but it makes no difference. |
| 3. | When will it be safe for my children to cook with me? Sophie is 13 months and Ben is 2 years 4 months. They are always wanting to "help" in the kitchen, but I am worried about them having accidents. |
| 2. | My two-and-a-half-year-old son is very clingy. I work at home and he’ll cry and protest when I try and go to my office. Five minutes later he is perfectly happy with the nanny, but I find these scenes distressing. He doesn’t like to leave me when we go to friends’ houses and I don’t like to force him to mix with other children if he doesn’t want to. I’m dreading when he starts nursery school. I’m also now expecting a second baby, and I’m sure we’re going to face more problems when the baby arrives. Is this kind of behaviour normal in a toddler? I feel very guilty about his neediness. Is there anything I can do? |
| 1. | My two-and-a-half-year-old toddler is getting too rough for comfort. He is a little boy, so I always expected him to be boisterous but my fear is that it’s getting dangerous for his baby sister, who is nearly one. He is hitting, pulling and pushing and has been immune to me getting cross. Do you have any tips? I’m afraid the baby is going to get hurt… |
Behaviour
| 32. |
My three year-old-son Max has never liked having his hair washed, but over the past few months, this has got worse and worse so that now he screams and gets himself into a real state if one strand of hair gets even slightly damp when he's in the bath. Nevertheless he enjoys his bath and has doesn't even mind if he's out in the rain and gets soaked - so I really don't understand what is going on. It's got so bad that I can't even attempt to wash his hair as he becomes so hysterical, thrashes around and tries to climb out of the bath. Can you help? |
| 31. | I am concerned that my six-year-old son displays sexualised behaviour. He will try to fondle my bottom or grope my breasts. Last week he tried to pummel a little girl with his penis on a play-date. He tries to spy on me in the shower. His father and I are separated, but my son stays with him every fortnight for a few days. Last week he said something about Daddy getting into the bath with his penis, and then when I asked him calmly what exactly Daddy had been doing he went silent. And recently my ex-partner showed me videos he had taken in which my son and his cousin (six months older and female) were dancing naked - he explained how the two cousins like to experiment and examine each other's bodies and compare their differences. I was very disturbed by this. Am I over-reacting? |
| 30. | My daughter, Abigail (age 2¾), has recently become very much more cuddly with me than she usually is. I'm very happy about this, but it is slightly unusual because she's started calling herself 'Baby Abigail'. She wants to be held on my lap like a baby and cuddled - she's even suggested sitting on my knee like this and having her milk (which she hasn't done since she was 9 months when she started having her milk in a beaker). Yesterday we were having a cuddle and she said 'Baby Abigail' and leaned back so I could rock her, pulled my T-shirt up and said 'Mummy's booby milk'. She hasn't had a breastfeed since she was six months old and her one-year-old brother Thomas was last breastfed two months ago. I just said 'No, Abigail has milk from a cup' and then distracted her. However, I feel bad for her. Do you think the birth of her brother Thomas has had more of an impact on her than I realized? In every other way she has always seemed fine and has shown no jealousy or anger towards her brother - although she has become slightly more aggressive towards me. |
| 29. | My two-and-a-half-year-old son has become really obsessive about certain things. Usually about things being done in a certain order or being put back in exactly the right place. For example if I put his pants on before his vest, he has to take them off and start again, in the 'correct' order. This means that simple things take twice as long as they should. I know he is only young and trying to be independent but do you think this behaviour is normal? I don't want it to develop into a major obsession. |
| 28. | My five-year-old daughter has always been naturally wary of strangers. Even as a baby she wouldn't smile at people that she didn't know, and would begin to cry when strangers talked to her in her pushchair. In the Christmas holidays we had planned to take her to London to meet Father Christmas with her cousins, but when I told her about this outing she became very upset. She told me she didn't want Father Christmas to visit her, and was really alarmed at the thought of him coming down the chimney at home. |
| 27. | Teeth Grinding: My little boy, who is just three, started nursery in September, and although he is quite shy and has never spent much time apart from me before, he has adapted really well. He goes to school readily, and seems to be making friends and settling in. His teachers tell me that he is quiet but always participates in play and doesn't appear to have any concerns. However about six weeks ago he began to grind his teeth while he slept. It happened once or twice in the first week, but now he grinds his teeth most nights. My husband and I are concerned since we have read that it is an indication of stress, and that it can cause damage to his teeth. |
| 26. | My daughter, who is nearly three is having an increasing number of tantrums, especially in the morning. Just getting her dressed and encouraging her to eat her breakfast is proving challenging. |
| 25. | I have started having a problem with my 26 month old regarding tantrums. I have recently had a baby and she has been totally fine with it. The problem seems to be with her daddy. She doesn't see her daddy at all during the week and so he trys to make weekends really special. The problem I have is that if I try and get her to do anything she doesn't want to do, she has a major tantrum and clings to her daddy. This morning she didn't want to leave a restaurant we were having breakfast in as she wanted a cup of tea (her daddy had already given her one). Normally when I ask her to do something, she may grizzle but is very good and easily diverted. Today she threw a terrible tantrum, literally lying on the floor and screaming like she was being murdered, then she wanted her daddy to carry her and wouldn't walk; it was so awful I wanted the ground to swallow me up. I know it's probably due to the new baby and the fact she misses her daddy but how do we stop this escalating? Monday to Friday she is a totally lovely, good happy child. At the weekend it is a nightmare... |
| 24. | My daughter is three years and eight months. She is very shy and hides behind my legs even if we meet someone we know in the street. I try to get her to speak to them but she refuses. I feel really angry and ashamed when she does this and a really bad mother. Why can't she be like other children her age? Have I done something wrong and if so how can I help her now? |
| 23. | My six-year-old daughter, Eleanor, has recently started biting her nails. Last week one of the cuticles became quite inflamed, and I was concerned that I would need to take her to the doctor. She has always been quite a “mouthy” child, and even now, despite repeated gentle discouragement, I find her chewing on hair clips or shirtsleeves. I have struggled with nail-biting all my life, but managed to stop when I was in my twenties, and I know how hard it is to break the habit. How can I discourage her from starting at such a young age? She is a very happy, contented child in every other respect, so I don’t think it is anxiety that causes her to bite her nails. |
| 22. | My four-year-old daughter, Rosie, started school in September. She has a summer Birthday, and is one of the youngest in her year group. She has settled very happily into school, but I have noticed that she has begun to tell lies. Apparently she told another child in her class that if you told lies you would be hit with a bolt of lightening in the eye. Rosie told him she knew this because it had happened to her! The other child was understandably upset. Rosie appears to understand what a lie is, but I don’t know where she gets these ideas from or why she feels the need to make things up. My older daughters have never lied, and I am not sure what line to take. What makes a child lie and how can one encourage them not to do it? |
| 21. | My little girl is just over 2 and half years old. Over the last few weeks or so, everything has become a battle, especially getting her dressed, bathing her and putting her to bed. She constantly asks for my partner to do this instead of me, partly I think because he is happy to take longer doing it when I really can't spend 15 minutes trying to get a pair of trousers on her! It is really starting to exasperate me and I find that I am starting to lose my temper and shouting at her. Any suggestions? |
| 20. | My 2-year-old daughter is very clingy. When we go to friend’s houses she'll sit on my lap the whole time, while the other children her age play. (I don't try and force her to integrate as I feel that could be damaging). I dread to think how she's going to react if I try and leave her in the crèche that she's booked into for our ski holiday in January next year. I also worry that it will be very hard for her when she starts nursery school, or if a new baby arrives. Naturally, her dependence on me leads me feeling hopelessly guilty (about returning to work, or leaving her with anyone else). After all, there must be a reason why's she's lacking confidence and clinging to me. Or is it just regular, contrary 2-year old behavior? Do you have any suggestions as to what I can do? |
| 19. |
My son of 26 months seems to have adapted to the birth of his brother two months ago. We have involved him as much as possible in caring for the baby, which he enjoys, but sometimes his caring nature is rather over enthusiastic. His gentle stroking has become rougher and showing toys to the baby has begun to involve forcing them into his hand. I am trying to stay positive and suggest ways for him to play with the baby without saying, "No, don't hurt him" too often. I am afraid he will begin to resent his brother. What is the best approach to this problem? |
| 18. | My two daughters were born 18 months apart. The youngest has just had her first birthday. Over the past few months I have become increasingly irritated and concerned about our eldest daughter's rough behaviour to her sister. She still seems unable to see the advantage of having a sister close to her in age even though her sister is now walking and less of a baby. I seem to tell my eldest daughter off constantly but she still continues to behave badly On a daily basis she hits or is rough in other ways towards her sister and is constantly taking her toys away. I know I need to be more positive with my approach but how can I do this when she continues to behave in this way. I want her to enjoy having a sibling close to her in age. I was an only child and feel I missed out a great deal with not having this relationship. |
| 17. | My 3 year old daughter has been a very contented child. We have recently moved from London to Wales and placed her into a nursery full time. Previously she was cared for by a nanny and went to playgroup. Initially she enjoyed her nursery but she has been ill and now cries a great deal when there. Should I continue to console her endlessly or begin to be a bit firmer?In the past year she has also had to get used to a new sister [11mths now]. She will begin to attend school in the afternoons from September which is why we felt full time nursery would help. We are now considering whether to have a nanny two days a week to make this change more gradual. |
| 16. |
Over the past two or three weeks I have noticed that my son of 3 years 2 months has started to tell fibs. I am concerned that this behaviour is escalating but am unsure how to tackle the problemOver the past two or three weeks I have noticed my son of 3 years 2 months has started to fib. It usually occurs if I discover he has done something such as taking a toy off his little sister or spilling his milk. |
| 15. | My son of almost three is always trying to help me around the house. This can be frustrating at times but I don't want to discourage his helpful nature. What things could I let him do on his own whilst I get on with my jobs?My son of almost three is always trying to help me around the house. He will follow me around wanting to do what I am doing. At times I let him help, although it is frustrating when he insists on hanging onto the vacuum when I am trying to get the rooms cleaned quickly. Should I be encouraging him to help and what sort of things could I expect him to be able to do by himself so I can get my own jobs done. |
| 14. | My daughter is a very articulate for her age, having talked early. Recently I have noticed the presence of an imaginary friend. She can be heard talking to him [?] at great length, usually when in the early morning and before she sleeps at night. I do realise that this is just a phase but over the past few weeks Bobo seems to have become a much bigger part of her life. She sets out plates and cups for him when playing with her tea set and insists that he must have room on the sofa at story time. Yesterday she wanted to now why I hadn't set a place for him at the tea table. I am concerned to let this escalate anymore but can see the inevitable confrontations if I don't comply with her wishes. Should I encourage her by talking to him or about him? Or is it best to discourage this type of play, letting her know I realise he is not real? How much do I let Bobo become part of our family? At the moment I feel she wants to spend more time "playing" with him than doing things with me. |
| 13. | My son who is 2 years and 7months loves to play jumping games with my husband but he now seems to think that he can jump around wildly on anybody's sofa. Am I being unrealistic at this age to think he really understands why he shouldn't? My husband is quite laid back about such things. I have tried to explain to my husband that we need to be consistent about some things, such as jumping on the furniture and holding hands to cross streets even if they are quiet. The trouble is my husband like to rough house play when he comes home in the evenings and encourages my son in jumping games. He thinks it should be part of our son's childhood and he is probably right but how do we teach my son when it is ok to jump from the sofa, because Daddy is there and it is part of a game and when it would inappropriate, such as jumping on the sofa at Grandma's house. Won't we just end up confusing him? |
| 12. | I returned to full time work when my son was 18mths old. We have found a lovely nursery for him which he enjoys going to every day. The staff there often comment how well behaved and co operative he is. But I never see this. I pick him up at 4.30pm and he is full of beans. As soon as we return home he seems to turn into a different child. He becomes very hyperactive, rushing around and demanding my attention but then not really listening to me. I need to prepare our evening meal, sort the laundry and catch up on messages left so really need to know what to do to change his behaviour at this time of day. |
| 11. | My little boy is now 26 months old and for the past 2 months on and off he has been head banging at night and occasionally to get himself off to sleep at his lunchtime nap. My health visitor says it is perfectly normal and to ignore him and he should grow out of it. I have done this until the last week when it has got so bad. Some nights he might only wake a couple of times and stop banging after a minute or so and go back to sleep Other nights he will 'wake' every couple of hours and bang for anything up to twenty minutes. He has also started to wake about 5 or 5:30 and headbang until he calls for me to get him up about 6:30/7. He has always been a good sleeper on Gina routines sleeping 7pm until 6:30/7am. I am really worried that his ferocious and incredibly loud banging (he's on his hands and knees head butting the end of his cot as hard as he can) will be causing him harm. His eyes are closed and if I go to him he doesn't want me, just wants to keep doing it as if it's comforting some how. He is a very happy child by day, calm and well behaved always giggling. He eats well and has a regular daytime nap from 12:30/1 -2PM I am also worried as he has started to wake his 6 month old sister very early in the mornings which is having an impact on her day routines when she has so far been a 'perfect' Gina baby since birth. He has been fine since the birth of his sister and not shown any signs of jealousy or bad behavior etc at all. I have tried not giving him his daytime nap and whilst he got through the day fine the night time was exactly the same. |
| 10. |
My son has really been a CLB from the word go. He had an excellent routine, ate and slept with no problems at all. He started playschool in August which he loves. At the beginning of term, there were two little kids there who were biting and my son seemed to be at the receiving end of these bites. |
| 9. | My daughter is, and always has been, very strong willed. She was a good eater up until the age of 13 months when she refused to be spoon fed. She was having 2 bottles of milk a day and slept all night and had 2 naps during the day. She ate a limited variety of finger foods for 6 months (e.g. organic baby bars, bread & butter, rusks, sausages and anything sweet). One day she started eating with a spoon and tucked in to fromage frais, porridge and fruit puree. Slowly she started eating toast, fish fingers, potato faces, some pasta, cereal, ham, baked beans, mini cheddars and anything sweet like cake or biscuits. She has 1 weak bottle of apple juice in the morning, 1 when she wakes up from her nap and a small cup just before she goes to bed. She demands juice all the time and hates sitting at the table in her chair to eat. She can take up to 21ozs of weak apple squash during the day. |
| 8. | My daughter Emily-Jo is getting worse by the day. It's getting to the point that my husband and I are arguing about her all the time. She is constantly demanding things she wants, and never stops until we give in to her. This behavior could go on and on for days. |
| 7. | How can I encourage my son, who is approaching three, to be more imaginative? He doesn’t play make-believe as I did as a child. |
| 6. | How can I get my 25-month-old to hurry up? She often refuses to hear me when I tell her that her meal will be ready in five minutes, and then she takes ages to finish whatever she's doing, so the meal is cold. It's the same with bath time and going out to the supermarket - she will always dawdle, insisting that her bag must be with her or her doll put down a certain way. Is she doing this to deliberately annoy me, or is it just a stage she is passing through? |
| 5. | Since our son Thomas was about 18 months old, it has been a real struggle to wash his hair. He has always moaned, but now it has developed into a battle where he will kick and scream, especially during the rinsing stage. I have bought different types of halos, but after a few sessions he still protests. He is now 2 years 7 months, but shows no sign of getting any better. Have you any ideas on how to make this time of the week less stressful? |
| 4. | My two-and-a-half year old daughter has always been a very emotional and sensitive child. She bursts into tears for the slightest reason. For instance, if she can't find the right piece for the jigsaw, she falls over or someone speaks sharply, she gets hysterical unless she is picked up and cuddled. My husband and I are having major rows over how to deal with this. I feel we have to toughen her up a bit before she starts nursery at three years old, but my husband disagrees and says that it is better if she is comforted all the time as this will help her to grow up to be a more sensitive human being. |
| 3. |
My 25 month old toddler has always been an excellent sleeper. Luca slept from 7-7 since he was 11 weeks old, with a 1-3 pm nap after lunch. He attends nursery from 9-5 each day which he loves. Since his baby brother arrived 4 months ago, he has had sleep difficulties. This problem has only occurred occasionally until this week when he has had difficulties sleeping every night. We began potty training 7 days ago and it has been a huge success. However, the nights are disturbed for the whole family as he will call or scream for Mama incessantly either just after being put down (now closer to 8pm) for up to 1 hour, or at 5am for up to 2 hours or at night (12 or 1) for up to 2 hours. On the few occasions where I went in to check him, there was never anything wrong. I wonder if he is being woken by his own need to wee and his confusion about wearing his nappy at night. Please help. |
| 2. | We have a two-and-a-half-year-old boy, and a nine-month-old baby girl. From about two weeks after the baby was born, our little boy has been desperately jealous and won’t allow me to pay any attention to the baby. It’s becoming a real problem and I’m very worried about it. Do you have any advice? |
| 1. | My son is two and he is becoming a real terror. He throws his toys and anything else in reach down the stairs (over the gate). I’ve tried a whole variety of tactics – being nice, telling him off firmly, smacking his hand, shouting, confiscating the toys, and even ignoring him. But he’s completely unmoved. In fact, he laughs. The problem is, he’s causing real damage. I think the problem is attention-seeking, as it seems to happen when I’m going to the toilet or getting dressed, but how do I stop it? |
Other
| 3. | Up until recently, my three-year-old daughter has always gone to bed very happily. However, over the last few weeks, things have suddenly changed and she becomes very anxious and tearful as soon as we say it is time to turn the light out and go to sleep. She cries and clings to me or my husband, saying that the monsters will come if she is on her own in the dark, and we have resorted to lying in bed with her, with the light on, until she falls asleep. I know this is a bad habit to have got into, but when we leave the room she starts to become hysterical, and I don't want her to become overtired. |
| 2. | I am about to have my second child by C-section in two weeks. I have been trying to get my 2.3-year-old son to go to a playschool to help him socialise with other kids and to give me some breathing space. I thought he would be settled by now, but I'm afraid I've made a pigs ear of things and am starting to panic and getting myself very worked up. |
| 1. |
By the end of the day, my two-and-a-half-year-olds toys are scattered all over the house. I have run out of space and usually end up pushing them all into large boxes. He makes no attempt to help me clear up at the end of the day. How can I make life easier for us both? |
