Feeding FAQ: 24+ months

My son is an extremely fussy eater. He survives on a limited number of foods namely bread, fruit purees, dry shreddies, peanut butter and chocolate yoghurts. The problems with fussiness began at around 14 months and peaked at 18 months when his sister was born. From 18 months to now (he is currently 3); he has eaten the foods listed above and only those.

With hindsight, I can see some of the reasons why this problem arose and got worse with time. I have always been very anxious about what he eats which stems from a very bad experience with breastfeeding in his early weeks. I was so determined to breast-feed at all costs (and was completely brainwashed by midwives and NCT people) that I battled with it for 10 long and very painful weeks. It took my son nearly 4 weeks to regain his birth weight and 3 weeks to move his bowels, but I still persevered, believing I was doing the right thing. As a result, I became obsessed with not being able to 'provide' for my baby and felt extremely inadequate. I really wish now that I had given up earlier and moved him onto formula as I'm sure this experience has affected my relationship with him and feeding.

Consequently, when he did start refusing food I reacted in all the wrong ways, getting upset etc. I also offered him alternatives which set up a negative pattern. Slowly the balance of power shifted, and he gained complete control over this area of his life. Generally, I am a firm but fair Mum who believes in the value of routines and consistency. However, in this one area, I really lack confidence. Interestingly, I don't have the same problems with his younger sister who has always been a good feeder (she breast fed successfully for 4 months until I weaned her) and eats a wide variety of foods now, at 18 months. I do worry though that she might pick up on his behaviour and start to only want what he eats.

One other point to mention is that he is very fastidious about mess and getting his hands dirty. I try to ignore this and encourage him to play with messy things (painting, sand etc) but it really bothers him. I think this is one of the reasons why he prefers mainly dry foods.

I've been to see a paediatrician about this problem and their assessment was to just carry on as we are doing i.e. eating together as a family, encouraging messy play etc and wait for him to decide when he wants to try new foods. However, I feel that this problem is so entrenched that it needs more than this. My biggest question is should I be a bit more assertive? There is no doubt in my mind that a large part of this problem is control i.e. his control over me in this context. A number of my friends, also with young children, think that I should be more 'bloody minded' and offer him the same food as the rest of the family or let him go hungry. I would be interested in your view on this as sometimes I feel I'm being too soft. Also, I feel like I need a proper strategy i.e. first do this, and then try that etc and if you can recommend anyone who could help me with this, I'd be very grateful.

At present my son eats a bowlful of dry shreddies for breakfast with 5ozs of orange juice. Lunch is 1 slice of wholemeal toast with peanut butter, 4 slices of cucumber and 2 fruit puree pots with 5ozs of Ribena. He has no snacks but is given 3ozs of juice or Ribena at 3pm. Dinner is 1-2 slices of crusty white bread [dry], 4 slices of cucumber, 2 chocolate pots and 5ozs of juice or Ribena. He sleeps from 7pm to 7am.
Team Response

My son has just turned two and has never eaten a piece of fruit in his life! He was a great baby to wean - he liked most things and ate very well. He was always on the upper end of the portion scale and gained weight well - in fact, he was a chubby baby. He also loved his milk. When he turned one he began to cut down on the amount of food he ate and also got very fussy.

The one thing he has never, ever eaten is raw fruit - he will happily have fruit purée, which I add to his breakfast and/or yoghurt to make sure he is getting the nutrition. He goes to nursery two mornings and one whole day a week and is offered fruit at every snack time and has never had it. At home we have a fruit bowl and eat lots of fruit but he can get quite upset if we offer it to him. He will put an apple to his mouth and bite into it so there are teeth marks but if any gets in his mouth he spits it out.

I am worried that his chewing has not developed properly. His favourite foods are soups, chicken nuggets and mashed potato (including shepherds pie etc) but he refuses pasta, rice, cheese and now gets upset if he is offered new foods. His favourite snacks are oat cakes/rice cakes and raisins.

Do you think he has a reluctance to chew or did not develop chewing properly or does the fact that he eats chicken nuggets, breadsticks etc mean this is not the case? He has just started having school dinners at nursery and so comes home hungry having not eaten at lunchtime on his half-days, and I don't know whether to feed him or to make him wait until tea and then cook him something I know he will eat?
Team Response

As you can see from the daily progress report, my son is a very fussy eater. He has been like this now for a year. He won't eat any meat that has been prepared in a sauce or that isn't covered in breadcrumbs. He does however eat a load of fruit and enjoys bread. I've been told by an expert that he's okay as he is. I'm not sure I want to follow that advice. At present he eats weetabix or muesli for breakfast. At lunch he has either chicken nuggets, sausages or pasta. He eats all types of fruit and enjoys sandwiches, usually made with cheese. He will also eat organic fruit bars and yoghurts. He drinks flavoured water topped up with bottled water at 12.30 and 5.30pm and drinks about 6oz of cows milk at 7.30am and 6.30pm.
Team Response

My daughter is, and always has been, very strong willed. She was a good eater up until the age of 13 months when she refused to be spoon fed. She was having 2 bottles of milk a day and slept all night and had 2 naps during the day. She ate a limited variety of finger foods for 6 months (e.g. organic baby bars, bread & butter, rusks, sausages and anything sweet). One day she started eating with a spoon and tucked in to fromage frais, porridge and fruit puree. Slowly she started eating toast, fish fingers, potato faces, some pasta, cereal, ham, baked beans, mini cheddars and anything sweet like cake or biscuits. She has 1 weak bottle of apple juice in the morning, 1 when she wakes up from her nap and a small cup just before she goes to bed. She demands juice all the time and hates sitting at the table in her chair to eat. She can take up to 21ozs of weak apple squash during the day.
Her breakfast may be 5 tbsp of apple puree, cereal or toast [very little of either], biscuit or apricot bread and butter. For lunch she is offered ham, sausages, mini cheddars or fish fingers and beans [the amount she eats varies, sometimes she eats nothing]. In the afternoon she has either fruit or a biscuit and for tea she is offered macaroni cheese or chips and ham [she eats little, sometimes nothing] followed by fromage frais, yoghurt or rice pudding. She quite often doesn't eat anything and then ends up with a biscuit or some fruit. Her tantrums have got really bad in the last week. She constantly moans and whinges anyway, but now she throws herself on the floor, lashes out, chucks things around, screams really loudly and won't get up. I have tried putting her in her room until she calms down, which she does sometimes, and then once she has said “sorry” she goes back to being naughty.
Team Response

For two years my wife has had a running battle with our daughter of 2 years 4 months at mealtimes. We have tried removing it when she says "no", to telling her to face the corner until she eats. Neither have been a success. The GP's are not worried as she is gaining weight, (she is currently 11kg) but for my wife it is a nightmare. If we travel the whole feeding experience is even worse. We are both at our wit's end and it seems as if our daughter wins at every mealtime. When she doesn’t eat she wakes up at night and is tired the next day. What can we do? At present she will take 4-5 spoons of cereal at breakfast, 1-2 spoons at lunch and dinner of pasta and rice. Sometimes she eats less than this. She has 2-3 cups of water and milk during the day. She sleeps from 1-3pm and from 8pm-7am.
Team Response

My daughter has been a very fussy eater from around 12 months. She was referred to the local children's hospital when she was 1 because of her poor weight gain. The consultant couldn't find anything wrong apart from the fact that she was petite for her age. Our health visitor then suggested introducing a high calorie diet, for instance adding butter to toast or cream to soups etc.The variety of food she eats is limited and her portion sizes are very small. Sometimes she refuses meals completely. She is unwilling to try different foods and sometimes will only eat something if she is fed, rather than feeding herself (of which she is totally capable). She refuses to be left at nursery for lunch and gets very upset (she refuses to eat most of the things that nursery serves for lunch).
I am following Gina's weaning book for my 8 month old baby, and so far she is happily eating everything. I would love to be able to feed the whole family the same meals and am at the end of my tether with my eldest, who makes it difficult for us to eat out (without taking a separate meal for her) and have friends/family round (this often causes a scene).
I try to ensure that my daughter is getting food from all the food groups, but I worry a lot that her eating habits are affecting her growth and that she doesn't seem to be eating any larger portion sizes as she gets older. My daughter is 2 yrs 7mths and at present weighs 1.5stone.
Team Response

My two-and-a-half-year-old is addicted to sandwiches. They are without doubt her favourite lunch, and she is very good at making them herself! I thought I would make a list of fillings and wondered if you had any suggestions? She is very keen on mayonnaise.

Fiona Hinton's Response

My three-year-old son, Jack, sometimes seems to just run out of energy. It's usually late morning or late afternoon, though he's usually fine after he's had his lunch or dinner. I don't think he's sick, and I'm lucky that he sleeps well and eats plenty. Do you think choosing different foods might help?

Fiona Hinton's Response

I have heard that it’s good for children to eat omega-3s, but my three-year-old daughter is allergic to fish. Someone told me that pumpkin seeds contain a lot of omega-3 – are they suitable to give to her?

Fiona Hinton's Response